my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
