I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
