Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
