I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize