Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
