tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
