if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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