I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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