I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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