thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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