I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
