wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
