There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
