he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
