I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
