Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
