Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
