so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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