Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
