I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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