If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
