i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
