i think my tv is drunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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