Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
