i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
