he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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