were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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