why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
