We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
