At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
