We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
