I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
