mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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