you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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