I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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