im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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