I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will pee on everything he values.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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