I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
