drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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