Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
