I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
