Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
