No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was born a porn star she said
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
