I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
