You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
