So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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