FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
