hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
