I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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