When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
