fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
