I heard we made out
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
