using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
