I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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