he puts the penis in happiness.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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