My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
