Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
