these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
