i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
