he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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