True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
