This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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