So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
