does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
