yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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