for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
