My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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