Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
