I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
