Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
