She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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