Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
