this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
