ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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