did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize