Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
