we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
