Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
