i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she looked like the before picture.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
