ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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