got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
