We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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